His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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