I can tuck mytits in my pants
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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