Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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