Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
