I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
