either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
