Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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