Please, let me fuck your mom
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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