took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
