Someone shit on the floor
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
