OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
