Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
