I hate your face
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
