Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
