Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
