Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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