I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
