i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
