Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
pop tarts are not kleenex
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
