Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
