i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
