my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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