she was so not down for the gang bang
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
