haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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