At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize