Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
