as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
