So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
