I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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