i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
