i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
