you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
