Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
