Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
