I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Come share oat with me in your robe
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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