I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
