You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Shitshow foam night was such a success
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
