GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
