their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
