My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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