Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
