oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
