You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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