i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
