I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
