lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
