I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
