i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
