tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
