Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
