ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
