I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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