the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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