Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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