Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
