she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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