I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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